The Most Important Blog, Ever.

This may be the most important blog. I’m not a big blogger. Facebook, myspace, and msn is where I am. This is the blog of my reflections of my year abroad in France. Who I was, who I am, and who I will be. Personal discoveries and adventures. To begin, who I was before. When I left it was my first time out of the country. I have now been to and visited and seen and experienced about 11. Its incredible. I was excruciatingly shy; unless you knew who I was really well. It took me a really long time to warm up to people; to be myself and let it shine. I didn’t like conflict and wasn’t very assertive. I was a very passive person. But, don’t be misunderstood, I stood up for myself. I knew what I deserved. Honestly, self-esteem and self-confidence were my lowest points. This contributed to the shyness. These turned out to be my main motivations to do this exchange. After this year I’ve found who I am. But mostly, to my pleasure, I realized I’ve known who I am for awhile. I’ve moved so much and spent so much time alone, I found out who I was. One thing different, I now eat my veggies. J I am comfortable with silence. It doesn’t bother me. In a given situation, I probably won’t be the first person to do the awkward turtle. It’s not awkward until you make it awkward. J I am a shy person. It’s just who I am. And, I won’t apologize for it. But, I am defiantly less shy. I found myself sharing my feelings with exchange students that I had only known for like 2 hours. But maybe it’s just an exchange student thing that we connect so quickly; going through the same stuff. It takes me less time to warm up. At least I try to.J I’m more touchy feely. I’ve learned to LOVE the French “bisous” J I’m going to go home to the US and kiss everyone on the cheek and get the strangest looks ever. And I’m excited for it!! LOL. I’ve found that I’m a listener, not a talker. I love helping people with their problems and doing everything I can to help them. I clean when I’m stressed. I’m not the most amazing conversation holder. But I’ve defiantly progressed in that area. I am more assertive. When I began understanding French, and I heard someone say something about me, positive or negative, I let them know I understood what they said. To my pleasure, they were surprised; almost every time J I’m not afraid of conflict, it’s inevitable. I think I have been slightly sheltered in that area. I’ve almost always gotten along with anyone I’ve met. Don’t get me wrong, I still get alone with people, I’m just not afraid to tell them I don’t agree with them. I can now accept criticism. You get criticized quite a lot when you’re new to a country, language, and culture. Criticism is structural, not hurtful. I used to be so scheduled and stressed when I didn’t know what was going on. Going on this exchange and not speaking in the beginning I knew I wouldn’t understand what was going on every minute. It has made me more go with the flow. If a problem comes up suddenly, I can deal with it right away. It doesn’t bother me too much to change my schedule. I still make lists like its no ones business. J I’m just generally more chill than I was before. I’ve found myself making comments in conversations I would have never thought to say before. I laugh when I’m nervous. Which my friends noticed, because they were like why are you laughing? I am thee most UNprepared prepared person you’ll probably ever meet. I haven’t taken my SATs. I don’t know if my year abroad will count. I don’t have my license. I don’t know where I want to go to college. I know I am going to have a LOT of work to do this year regardless if I get credit or not. I’m so unprepared for what’s coming. But I’m ready for it. I have the confidence that I can deal with it and conquer it. I’m beginning SAT daily questions, I’m figuring out the math I need. I’m looking on collegeboard .com. BUT—this year I have found what I want to become when I’m “grown-up”. I want to major in Psychology and minor in Art History. I know I know, they’re not related. BUT I’m going to open my own small business of therapist / psychologist and use art and color in the room to influence their mood. J I need quiet time. I can’t be around people 24/7. I go crazy. I love to read. I’m a tennis shoe wearing type of girl. I’ll always be more comfortable in sweats then in a nice shirt with like a skirt. This next thing, I mean in the most positive way – I don’t fit in. In Iowa, where I grew up, I have my best friends, the people I fit in with. The people I’m completely comfortable in my own skin with. In France, I made French friends. Normally, when you talk to exchangers, they’ll tell you their rock was another exchange student. I didn’t have and I don’t have a best friend as an exchange student. I absolutely adored the Euro tour. But, I didn’t have any real friends on the trip. I had girls I was with the entire time. I have my girl I’d text and tell my problems to. She’s a great friend, but she has other people too. I just don’t fit in with the people that I “should” fit in with. I’m kinda outside the norm. The best friends that I’ve made in 3 years were my French friends at school. They’re the reason my self-esteem and self-confidence is higher. They’re part of the reason my year is as unforgettable as it is. They’re part of the reason I don’t want to leave France. They’re the reason I want to come back when I leave. They’re the reason I adore the French language. They’ve helped me define myself as a true American, and be proud of it. They’ve helped me learn to accept compliments, even if I don’t agree with them most of the time :p haha. I don’t even think they realize how much they have done to help me. They’re truly amazing. And here’s the thing, they’re all two years younger than me. And they’re all GIRLS. Normally, I’m the girl hanging out with the boys. I think girls carry too much drama and they like skirts and shopping. (That opinion has obviously changed) I’ve made one amazing boy friend, Nicolas. But that’s about it. All my other friends are girls in France. Besides my host family, they’re going to be my hardest goodbye. Just thinking about it hurts. Now, who am I going to be? Good question. Next? Hehe. Nah, I’m going to be me. I’m going to go to my new high school (hopefully as a senior) as a confident teenager that speaks French. J I’m going to put myself out there and make friends. I’m going to make the best of the last high school year I have. I’m going to try to not let reverse culture shock eat me alive. That is my biggest worry. There are already things just thinking about in the US that get under my skin that I didn’t think about twice before. We’ll see how it turns out. Maybe I’ll have one more blog about my reverse culture shock struggles?? Yes, I will. And so, I believe that wraps it up. I have family coming soon. I’ve already said many goodbyes. The hardest are yet to come. Time is slipping away and I’m trying to hold onto it as long as I can.
Its 1am. I cant sleep. I’m in the most indescribable mood that I think I’ve ever been in. Its like I want to cry or laugh or throw up or a combination. This exchange has altered so much of my life. They’re going to have to drag me onto that plane. So many “last times” are beginning. I only get to see my best friends that I’ve ever made 4 more times. My family is visiting Sunday until I leave. Its got me stressed and sad. Its bittersweet. I want to see my family, so badly. Im very anxious. But I don’t, because when I see them, it will be like official that my year is over. Time is just pouring out away from me and I cant catch up with it. I just, I don’t even know. I cant even describe it. All I know is that its 1:15 am, I cant sleep and I do not want to go home.

Hello guys!!
Toulouse was pretty good. I got to know Lauren really well. It doesnt look like ill get to see her again. She leaves while im on my Euro Tour and shes in the south of france atm. :/ I neverrr get to say goodbye. Kristens family is visiting. i remember when we were talking about how far away it seemed. And shes with them at this moment. its soo wierd.
Ive tried EXCARGOT!! aka SNAIL!!! and i LIKE IT!!! its so surprising! but you cant even taste the snail. Its masked by garlic and such. I even ate TWO!! lol
and i finally went shopping! i got 3 shirts and 2 jeans :) i am happiee
Im doing very well. Actually :) My grades got even better!! and my french is there :) Host family is fine :) My host sisters friend from her exchange is here visiting. and my host brother is here too. its the last time ill see him! its only April and im already saying goodbye!!!!! :( im so bipolar about leaving. I wanna see my friends and family. and Buster my cat :) but other then that, i never wanna leave France. and i have great friends here too.
My euro tour is NEXT WEEKEND!!!!! im PUMPED!!!!!!!! 10 days in a bus around Europe with exchange students!! Legen..dary!! hahaha then when its over im staying at my friend Nicolas Nancels house. Cause my host family will still be in Australia visting my host brother.
The weekend after euro tour im going to SCOTLAND!! My host sister Susanne got accepted there and were going to go visit the campus. Im excited!
Then the week after I have a conference thing for the Outbounds 2009-2010. And that sunday im going to Disneyland Paris again with FiFi :) and Haylee and Kristen. :D
then the weekend after that im going to Parc Asterix with Rotary!!!!! IM SO BUSY!!!!
But i love it!! No school on Monday. Idk what im going to do... we'll see.
My family comes soon. well, okay, 2 weeks before i leave, but today im calling them for the packing list and what i want them to see and all that jazz. so its becoming more real.
I leave June 19th. Did i tell you that already??
I land in Houston Texas at 1:55pm June 19th :)
Thats about all i can think of.
I have pictures in Facebook. Add me! :)

Im sorry sorry sorry sorryyy i suck at this whole blog thing!!
(a demain= see you tomorrow) ((which i failed at. sorry for confusion!))
Anywho!!!
Birthday = amazing. I went out with friends for lunch and chilled at home :)
Valentines day was great! :) I got to talk to some friends i hadnt heard from in a long time.
Family is going really well :)
I just passed my 6 months mark!
i CANNOT belive its MARCH!! Its ABSOLUTELY INSANE. im running out of time!
if you ever want a year to fly, go on exchange.
I just got home from Austria skiing. My first time skiing was in the ALPES IN AUSTRIA and SWITZERLAND. (we skiied over for a day). i mean, who can say that? So cool. Ill facebook some pictures. I dont have them loaded yet.
Im going to Toulouse in 2 weeksish. Its alllll the students in France. Its a big deal i guess. TONS of people. Yay for getting more pins! My blazer looks a little sad. haha.
Thennn in April EURO TOURRRR!!!!! im so pumped for that! Europe in 10 days!
im sure more has happened, but i cant remember. its been too long. Sorry again.
Homesickness is there. Its just something you get used to. I guess.? lol.
Im excited and nervous and sad and happy and reluctant to go home in June. So bipolar. lol
I still dont know my return date. Im really anxious for that. Everyone else knows theres. and I dont. Im sliiighty impatient. But ill know eventually. I hope sooner rather then later.
I really have been busy. I promise.
Ill update after Toulouse probs. :) or sooner :)
Bisous!!! :)

almost

Tomorrow is my birthday! Ill have a huuuge update. SO MUCH to say.
a demain!

Well..
my heart's still beating.

Tis the season to attempt to be jolly.

So. its been awhile.
Im fine. French is fine. school is fine. family is fine.
my sister got a new car. im jeaaloouss. but were totally going to go on a road trip to iowa when i get home.
my family is visiting in june. i hope. i think? im pretty sure.
uhm.. going to sweden again on saturday til Jan 4th. i hope it will be fun.
No plans for new years.. ill be in sweden... :/
Christmas might be hard. idk. It doesnt feel like christmas. its strange.
thanksgiving was really fun. i had a blast. i went to nicolas house and made it with his mom and all that jazz. it was fun.
i went to the circus in paris on tuesday. i loovedd it. but i loooove circus' anyway. lol. and i was in the 2nd row, so it was wickeddd.
I had to say goodbye to John my guy australian friend. hes leaving the 4th and im going to be in sweden :/
And i had to say goodbye to my 5 australian friends from school. The ones that were here for 6 weeks. i cant believe its alreadybeen 6 weeks.
it kind of bugs me how the time is flying. i keep thinking i have all this time, when i dont.
its like it flies when you want it to crawl and it stands still when you want it to run. its irritating. but thats life i guess.
i got to be really good friends with the australians. so it sucks.
im excited to get my christmas package. :) my famm sent it to sweden so it will be waiting for me when i get there :) suuper excited. i love packages and letters. theyre my faaavieess!
So many people are leaving. john, the 5 australians. Sean got sent home. (dont get me started). Cassie left. and now Tom is getting sent home. ugh. i hate it! im so scared i will get sent home for something. ( i dont really think it would or will happen, but still. this is crazy) so im like walkin on eggshells when im with rotary. aah. i hate it.
this is the hardest time, so im told. and i believe them.
january is supposed to be mad awesome. so i cant wait. but idk.
Im trying to not compare my exchange to other students, but i cant help it. And when i do, im really discouraged. Im just not as advanced as the others. theres too much english at home. they speak to me in french now, so thats good, but they still speak english sometimes. im just kid of, losing faith in myself.
everyone says im brave for doing this. i think im just insane.
I refuse to leave from homesickness. Im going to do this year. but i want to see my family.
bbaahhh homesickness. ughh. i miss my friends A LOT!!! especially my GUY friends. i have like 1 maybe 2 guy friends here, and it bugs me. Guys are usually the majority of my friends. girls carry drama (no offense). So i DEFINATLY miss them. :/
okay well i have to go.
(ill do more later. ugh. i miss my real mom.)

blah blah blah..

Ehhh.
Last week was pretty okay. Wednesday our Ukranian, Oksana came. shes pretty nice i suppose.
Saturday we went (me susanne oksana and her friend) to Disneyland Paris. it was a lot of fun. The weather totally sucked though. but we managed. :)
Sunday i had tennis and just hung out at the house.
Monday i had an amazazing day. We (me susanne and Oksana) went to Paris :)
went to the Louvre (mona lisa) and other stuff, the arc thing (i always forget what its called), the famous boulevard with like Luoi Vitton or w.e. and Gucci and all that. I also saw the most classy Mcdonalds ever!! ahaha. they know how to make fastfood classy, i tell ya what. and we went to the business dist. for susannes friend coz she had to go back to school. and i found a store that had a few english books so i HAD to buy one!! and then of course, after i bought a book and had no more money, we found the FIRST english bookstore established ON THE CONTINENT! i was mad. but were sooo going back there. but it was for smart rich people, so i only found one book i would want to buy. and we went to a cafe and got hot chocolate and crepes. :) yumm.
it was an amazing day! and we found the ferris wheel and waited around there for the eifeel tower to light up. we had a nice view. it was funn.
Tuesday i went to Versailles. it was alright. not amazing but not too bad. i met the new australians. i like them. (but i like my old ones better lol)
Today.. i have tutoring with rotary. and i opted to not go to the dinner. I dont think i could stand more goose liver. ahah. seriously though!

Uhm. My appetite is.. gone. Im pretty much eating because of routine. (and plus i have to do insulin somehow) and im getting nauseous everytime after i eat. so idk. its.. strange. but it might just be im so homesick im getting sick literally?? idk. could be a stretch, but i doubt it.
this weekend i have a district conference. its going to be soo boring. (i think). Kristen is staying the night friday and saturday night :D im soo excited.
Nightmares the past three nights. im SO tired.
this whole exchange thing is handing me things i never thought id deal with. its different and unexpected. In good and bad ways.
Thanksgiving is next week :/
Christmas isnt going to be much better either. baahh. anyways.
Ill shut up.
Bisous